October 31, 2024
Oof, I'm back! It's been like two weeks which isn't a lot but a lot to get sidetracked from something. I've been travelling and been a little overwhelmed with work a little bit so didnt have much time to myself or for my projects. And when I did have time, I have been torturing myself with playing Sekiro. It took 30 hours of playing it before I started enjoying it. But I couldn't have quit before because then I would just think I'm coping and saying I don't like it because I'm bad. I'm also going for a lot of the optional bosses and longer endings so that I complete it honorably (like a true shinobi). But yeah, I got promoted at work recently which was cool but was a little disappointed about the pay bump. But honestly, whatever - I'm just grateful to have a job because I don't see any level 2 positions that aren't like 7 years of experience. But yeah, I hope to finish up Sekiro and start working on my parser again. I do have a lot of the basics ironed out but have to add some of the more complex language features now.
October 1, 2024
I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to work on my language. I went to visit my friend over the weekend and then work has been so mentally challenging that I don't feel like coding afterwards. It's a bummer putting my engineering energy to a billion dollar company, rather than putting it towards passion projects. But at least I get paid to do what I love, so I can't be too upset. Either way, I am becoming a better engineer, whether it's the challenges at work or challenges with personal projects.
October 2, 2024
Contributing towards this website feels fulfilling. I'm still trying to get over this anxiety I have of sharing things with people, even when anonymously. It's strange because I have this feeling even during positive achievements. I feel like I'm a person that is very grey - I feel a lot of opposite feelings alongside each other. I don't necessarily care what people think about me, but at the same time, I do. It's possible that I might care when I think of someone specific, and don't care when it's in general. For example, I could comfortably go out in public naked and not really care, but I worry that I talk too much around people I'm close with. It's interesting feeling this self confidence and self doubt at the same time.
October 9, 2024
I've been struggling a lot with mental fog. It's been very difficult for me to be detail oriented and give 100% to what I do. I'm not sure why this is happening but it really brings down my confidence since this leads to a lot of mistakes. I'm going to try my best to try to force myself to take more time to do things and not feel rushed but it's a hard thing to improve on. I also feel like my time management is affected by this, as I feel like I have no time for anything. I know most things are a marathon and not a sprint but it's easier said than done.